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Brother, I Can See Your Skull. - The Coreyshead Blog

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I Lost 50 Pounds Drinking Beer

November 8th, 2015 by Corey A. Edwards

 I Lost 50 pounds Drinking Beer - 160 Lbs soaking wet.No, really. I lost 50 pounds drinking beer every day. I went from being a 210 pound, mouth-breathing schlubb to the 160 pound, svelte lady-killer that you see before you now – and all without giving up beer, bacon, butter, or even breaking much of a sweat.

I drank beer every day and treated my Friday and Saturday evenings like a diet-free zone.

The trick to my success is … no trick. It’s not a fad, it’s not hard, and it’s absolutely free – no salesman will come to your door.

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Government Explained

September 23rd, 2015 by Corey A. Edwards

GovernementGovernment is important – the governing body helps direct and protect the mass of humanity that forms it, supports it, and huddles beneath it in helpless and innocent expectation.

At least, that’s the purported goal of most modern, Western governments; what the best governing bodies aspire to.

Unfortunately, as with all human endeavors, the end result of government is often not exactly what the framers, voters, or contributors wanted, needed, or expected it to be. Thus and with my humble nature, I have decided to help explain how our current system works, what the end results tend to be, and all in a friendly, physically-metaphorical way that will have you more fully understanding the system and its attendant benefits

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Suicide – It Just Kills Me

November 7th, 2013 by Corey A. Edwards

Suicide - It Just Kills Me

About a month ago, a friend of mine posted on Facebook about someone who had killed themselves in response to their “soul” mate dying. Lot’s of people chimed in about how sad and beautiful it all was.

But I had to be a dick about it. You see, I can’t romanticize it – I hate suicide.

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Lime Disease

July 8th, 2013 by Corey A. Edwards

Lime Disease

Lime.

I’ve liked lime since I was a kid. Part of this is undoubtedly due to the perverse attraction I’ve always had for those things not mainstream in my culture: lime, the color purple, rain, Japan. The other reason – the biggest one – is the fact that I just plain love the flavor.

I didn’t get to taste it much, then. I mean, where did you find lime in 1970’s Colorado outside of gin and tonics? Unlike apple, grape, banana, cherry, and orange, flavors that seemed to be in everything, lime was a rare pleasure. It was so rare a flavor, in fact, that I have this horrible, itchy feeling that I first tasted it in Starburst candies.

Yeah, that’s right: Starburst originally came in strawberry, lemon, orange, and LIME.

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I Never Graduated …

June 10th, 2013 by Corey A. Edwards

I Never Graduated Kindergarten

I never graduated from preschool. I never graduated from kindergarten. I didn’t graduate from any of the elementary school grades.

Back when and where I went to school, after your sixth grade year, you attended “junior high school,” not “middle school.” I made the transition from grade school to junior high but … I didn’t graduate.

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Breakfast Surreal

December 27th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

Crappies

I am a breakfast kinda guy. I know a lot of you just get up and go, relying on a snack and some coffee or soda pop as a hold-over until lunch but I could never do that. I need some real fuel in the morning to keep me going and that means “Food” with a capital ‘f’, not crap. It’s how I was raised.

I grew up eating cold cereal for most breakfasts. Grape Nuts, Raisin Bran, Cheerios, Wheat Chex, Corn Bran, Rice Crispies, Life. We weren’t allowed to have the sugary (er) cereals even though we were allowed to dump sugar on those provided. Even under the watchful eye of my father, I was able to get a good amount of sugar on there, sometimes even enough to end up with that lightly grainy, sweet slime that collects at the bottom of an over-sugared bowl of milk.

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Why I’m a Pansy-Assed Liberal

November 4th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

 

VOTE

I know that my opinion is of little value or interest in the overall scheme of things; I’ll not be changing your mind any more than a recitation of facts would. Further, I don’t believe our present government, no matter whom is at the helm or what their political affiliation, has the *ability* to have our best interests at heart or would be very effective even if they could … but I’ll rush into the breach, anyhow.

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In the 70’s, They’d Whap You

March 27th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

WHAP!

They would. They’d just walk up and give you a smack.

You start a choking-cough at the table nowadays and people just sit back politely and wait: “Are you okay?” Maybe they reach over and lightly pat your spine. “Don’t try and talk. Have sip of water”

Not in the 70’s, man. In the 70’s, they’d whap you.

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The Way History is Taught Ought To Be History

March 13th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

 

The Way History is Taught Ought To Be History

 

If you’re like most people, you hated history class. The names, the dates, the strange places, the seeming irrelevance of it all …

Now me, I was one of those kids who actually enjoyed history class. I was fascinated by ancient cultures, human behavior, what has gone before. I’d often sit in class reading ahead in the book or, on my own time, reading in greater depth about that which was being taught. I still enjoy history, considering it as good if not more entertaining than fiction … not that I manage to retain much more than a general sense of what I consume but the minutiae of the past continue to fascinate me.

So, knowing that about me, allow me the heresy of stating that history, as typically taught, is a great waste of time.

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Don’t even say that!

July 1st, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

 

I frequently hear people admonishing others or even themselves for voicing a negative possibility.

Now I do understand and believe in the power of positive thought. Optimism is an important component of health and social advancement: perky people prosper.

Of course, this is a generalization – plenty of grumpy jerks make it to the top and live long lives while some incredibly cheerful people contract terminal illnesses and or remain in a state of penury their entire lives. The point is that the former never appreciate what they have while the latter never mind the deficit.

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Artificial Mystery Flavor

June 8th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

So I’m at the bank depositing a check when, at the end of the transaction, the teller asks, in the depths of her professional rut: “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Now people learn, after just a few transactions with me, not to ask such questions but this woman has never served me before and, thus, has no idea just what kind of ass is on the other side of the glass.

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Over-Daft Protection

October 20th, 2010 by Corey A. Edwards

So it’s now been about two years since I could count on having enough money in my checking account at all times.

I’ve grown rather used to this, and am not complaining about it. Even in easier days I did my best to avoid over-extending myself and only bring my situation up now as a precursor to talking about the recent change in banking rules, i.e.; the death of the overdraft fee.

Picture the banker’s grin melting from his weaselly little face.

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#16 – Nature’s Own on Sandstone

May 31st, 2010 by Corey A. Edwards


After an amazing, extended week revisiting the region I spent the first 30 or so years of my life in, I feel like the Tin Man upon receiving his heart; old truths, long forgotten, mix with new revelations to buoy me up.

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Sunny-Side Up

July 31st, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

People all over the world have it hotter, longer, and more regularly than those of us in the Pacific Northwest (get your mind out of the gutter) but I don’t care, I’m going to bitch about it, anyway.

Heat.

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Darlin’

July 18th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

She says it warmly and with a hint of naughtiness, as if over the breakfast table after a night of lovemaking:
“I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”

The only problem is she’s not my lover, she’s my bank teller.

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defeKt

May 25th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

I open the box of toothpicks and shake a small portion out into my palm.

They are of a shape: pale, virgin white birch cylinders, their tapered ends coming to a point.

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The Power Of Dissatisfaction

March 17th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

I’m lucky and I know it.

I was born in the late 60’s, in the US, to lower-middle class parents, and was raised in a neighborhood with a big waterfall. I had a great mom, we never went hungry, and I had access to education, medicine, and culture. In the areas where I lived, if you wanted a job, all you had to do was go out and get one – or that’s how it was for me from the late 80’s to the mid 00’s.

Recently, however, things have not been so good for me and, though I’m not a whiner, when people ask me how specific things are going, I don’t feel like sugar coating it for them.

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Freedom From Religion

December 7th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

According to various news sources, a sign has been put up near a nativity scene in Seattle by the Freedom From Religion folks reading:

“At this season of the Winter Solstice may reason prevail. There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

Now I may wholeheartedly agree with the sentiments of this sign (and I do) but I find it to be tantamount to, and thus as offensive as, any of the unasked for religious proselytizing the group claims to be protesting.

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Movie Wisdom #2 – Harold and Maude (1971)

November 22nd, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

Vice, virtue … It’s best not to be too moral: you cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you’re bound to live it fully.
Ruth Gordon as Maude in Harold and Maude

I just saw this film for the first time and feel stupid having waited so long – I really liked it. Sure, it has a lot of 1971 funk and isn’t entirely successful but if any film has had an influence on director Wes Anderson (“Rushmore”, “Royal Tenenbaums”), this one has. Great quotes and messages throughout.

There’s a great scene in the second trailer on the dvd where you see Harold and Maude watching the sunset on the beach with a gigantic, impromptu sign in the sand before them (“UCK WAR” it says, partially off camera – two men run in and disassemble the UCK).

Besides, where else you gonna see a Jaguar XKE hearse?

Math Hysteria

October 27th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

I’m no good with numbers.

They confuse me; they all look alike. Get them together in a crowd and I can’t tell the 6 from the 8, the 2 from the 7, the 5 from the 9. Probably I am a bigot. A number bigot.

I remember a moment of sheer panic in first grade when I realized I’d forgotten how to draw a 5. Try as I might, I couldn’t get it right. It was too short, somehow. I wanted to die. I just knew they were going to kick me out of school for such a display of stupidity. They probably should have. Directly over the chalkboard, running the circumference of the room, were all the letters and numbers …

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Too Little, Too Late

October 26th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

I watched MTV with reasonable regularity for about 6 months in 1985/1986. Prior to that my family’s home didn’t have cable. After that I was no longer interested.

MTV seemed pretty exciting at first – rock and roll! – but I was already beginning to veer off pop music’s beaten (to a pulp) path so I’d have to sit through a large number of videos I wasn’t interested in to catch sight of one I was.

Yeah, that’s right: videos. Music videos. That’s just about all MTV used to show, if you can believe it. Endless hours of music videos interspersed with faux news. It was like a radio station. Wacky, eh? The “M” in MTV means “music”. The last time I checked in, they seem to have forgotten that …

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Divine? Riiight …

October 21st, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

Isn’t it interesting that, virtually everything proclaimed a “divine right” is, in fact, a moral wrong?

A Question of Creativity

October 14th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

Where do ideas come from and what do they say about the thinker?

I recently had someone in an official capacity question my character because of a character I created.

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Collapse

October 24th, 2006 by Corey A. Edwards

 

this blog began as a section on my site called “Infinite Diarrhea” which I took down very shortly after starting it because … people were reading it. This, in turn, was causing problems in my already failing marriage …

 

Just finished reading Jared Diamond’s ‘Collapse‘ and found it enlightening, interesting, and humbling.

The book examines past failed societies, what caused them to fail, then turns its eye upon our own present situation. It is well written and organized, easily understood, entertaining to read, and ultimately . . . depressing.

Why?

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What Is It With Motorcyclists?

October 1st, 2006 by Corey A. Edwards

 

this blog began as a section on my site called “Infinite Diarrhea” which I took down very shortly after starting it because … people were reading it. This, in turn, was causing problems in my already failing marriage …

 

What is it with motorcyclists?

I rode behind one all the way to work this morning and, every motorcyclist he passed, they exchanged waves. Numerous cars passed him, bicyclists, too. There were even pedestrians. Did he wave to them? No: only other motorcyclists.

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When A Woman Touches Her Hair …

September 6th, 2006 by Corey A. Edwards

 

this blog began as a section on my site called “Infinite Diarrhea” which I took down very shortly after starting it because … people were reading it. This, in turn, was causing problems in my already failing marriage …

 

Nate, a coworker of mine, reminded me today of the old saw that, if a woman touches her hair whilelooking at you, she is attracted to you.

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