# # Editorial Archives - coreyshead

Brother, I Can See Your Skull.

Brother, I Can See Your Skull. - The Coreyshead Blog

Archive for the ‘Editorial’ Category

I Lost 50 Pounds Drinking Beer

November 8th, 2015 by Corey A. Edwards

 I Lost 50 pounds Drinking Beer - 160 Lbs soaking wet.No, really. I lost 50 pounds drinking beer every day. I went from being a 210 pound, mouth-breathing schlubb to the 160 pound, svelte lady-killer that you see before you now – and all without giving up beer, bacon, butter, or even breaking much of a sweat.

I drank beer every day and treated my Friday and Saturday evenings like a diet-free zone.

The trick to my success is … no trick. It’s not a fad, it’s not hard, and it’s absolutely free – no salesman will come to your door.

Read the rest of this page »

Government Explained

September 23rd, 2015 by Corey A. Edwards

GovernementGovernment is important – the governing body helps direct and protect the mass of humanity that forms it, supports it, and huddles beneath it in helpless and innocent expectation.

At least, that’s the purported goal of most modern, Western governments; what the best governing bodies aspire to.

Unfortunately, as with all human endeavors, the end result of government is often not exactly what the framers, voters, or contributors wanted, needed, or expected it to be. Thus and with my humble nature, I have decided to help explain how our current system works, what the end results tend to be, and all in a friendly, physically-metaphorical way that will have you more fully understanding the system and its attendant benefits

Read the rest of this page »

Suicide – It Just Kills Me

November 7th, 2013 by Corey A. Edwards

Suicide - It Just Kills Me

About a month ago, a friend of mine posted on Facebook about someone who had killed themselves in response to their “soul” mate dying. Lot’s of people chimed in about how sad and beautiful it all was.

But I had to be a dick about it. You see, I can’t romanticize it – I hate suicide.

Read the rest of this page »

Lime Disease

July 8th, 2013 by Corey A. Edwards

Lime Disease

Lime.

I’ve liked lime since I was a kid. Part of this is undoubtedly due to the perverse attraction I’ve always had for those things not mainstream in my culture: lime, the color purple, rain, Japan. The other reason – the biggest one – is the fact that I just plain love the flavor.

I didn’t get to taste it much, then. I mean, where did you find lime in 1970’s Colorado outside of gin and tonics? Unlike apple, grape, banana, cherry, and orange, flavors that seemed to be in everything, lime was a rare pleasure. It was so rare a flavor, in fact, that I have this horrible, itchy feeling that I first tasted it in Starburst candies.

Yeah, that’s right: Starburst originally came in strawberry, lemon, orange, and LIME.

Read the rest of this page »

I Never Graduated …

June 10th, 2013 by Corey A. Edwards

I Never Graduated Kindergarten

I never graduated from preschool. I never graduated from kindergarten. I didn’t graduate from any of the elementary school grades.

Back when and where I went to school, after your sixth grade year, you attended “junior high school,” not “middle school.” I made the transition from grade school to junior high but … I didn’t graduate.

Read the rest of this page »

Breakfast Surreal

December 27th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

Crappies

I am a breakfast kinda guy. I know a lot of you just get up and go, relying on a snack and some coffee or soda pop as a hold-over until lunch but I could never do that. I need some real fuel in the morning to keep me going and that means “Food” with a capital ‘f’, not crap. It’s how I was raised.

I grew up eating cold cereal for most breakfasts. Grape Nuts, Raisin Bran, Cheerios, Wheat Chex, Corn Bran, Rice Crispies, Life. We weren’t allowed to have the sugary (er) cereals even though we were allowed to dump sugar on those provided. Even under the watchful eye of my father, I was able to get a good amount of sugar on there, sometimes even enough to end up with that lightly grainy, sweet slime that collects at the bottom of an over-sugared bowl of milk.

Read the rest of this page »

Why I’m a Pansy-Assed Liberal

November 4th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

 

VOTE

I know that my opinion is of little value or interest in the overall scheme of things; I’ll not be changing your mind any more than a recitation of facts would. Further, I don’t believe our present government, no matter whom is at the helm or what their political affiliation, has the *ability* to have our best interests at heart or would be very effective even if they could … but I’ll rush into the breach, anyhow.

Read the rest of this page »

In the 70’s, They’d Whap You

March 27th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

WHAP!

They would. They’d just walk up and give you a smack.

You start a choking-cough at the table nowadays and people just sit back politely and wait: “Are you okay?” Maybe they reach over and lightly pat your spine. “Don’t try and talk. Have sip of water”

Not in the 70’s, man. In the 70’s, they’d whap you.

Read the rest of this page »

The Way History is Taught Ought To Be History

March 13th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

 

The Way History is Taught Ought To Be History

 

If you’re like most people, you hated history class. The names, the dates, the strange places, the seeming irrelevance of it all …

Now me, I was one of those kids who actually enjoyed history class. I was fascinated by ancient cultures, human behavior, what has gone before. I’d often sit in class reading ahead in the book or, on my own time, reading in greater depth about that which was being taught. I still enjoy history, considering it as good if not more entertaining than fiction … not that I manage to retain much more than a general sense of what I consume but the minutiae of the past continue to fascinate me.

So, knowing that about me, allow me the heresy of stating that history, as typically taught, is a great waste of time.

Read the rest of this page »

Don’t even say that!

July 1st, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

 

I frequently hear people admonishing others or even themselves for voicing a negative possibility.

Now I do understand and believe in the power of positive thought. Optimism is an important component of health and social advancement: perky people prosper.

Of course, this is a generalization – plenty of grumpy jerks make it to the top and live long lives while some incredibly cheerful people contract terminal illnesses and or remain in a state of penury their entire lives. The point is that the former never appreciate what they have while the latter never mind the deficit.

Read the rest of this page »