October 27th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
I’m no good with numbers.
They confuse me; they all look alike. Get them together in a crowd and I can’t tell the 6 from the 8, the 2 from the 7, the 5 from the 9. Probably I am a bigot. A number bigot.
I remember a moment of sheer panic in first grade when I realized I’d forgotten how to draw a 5. Try as I might, I couldn’t get it right. It was too short, somehow. I wanted to die. I just knew they were going to kick me out of school for such a display of stupidity. They probably should have. Directly over the chalkboard, running the circumference of the room, were all the letters and numbers …
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Posted in Editorial | 5 Comments »
October 26th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
I watched MTV with reasonable regularity for about 6 months in 1985/1986. Prior to that my family’s home didn’t have cable. After that I was no longer interested.
MTV seemed pretty exciting at first – rock and roll! – but I was already beginning to veer off pop music’s beaten (to a pulp) path so I’d have to sit through a large number of videos I wasn’t interested in to catch sight of one I was.
Yeah, that’s right: videos. Music videos. That’s just about all MTV used to show, if you can believe it. Endless hours of music videos interspersed with faux news. It was like a radio station. Wacky, eh? The “M” in MTV means “music”. The last time I checked in, they seem to have forgotten that …
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October 25th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
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October 24th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
Who thought ordering items off a menu by number was a good idea?
When I’m hungry, the last thing I want to be ordering is number two.
“May I take your order?”
“Yeah, I’d like a number two.”
“What would you like to drink with that.”
“Why, number one, of course … “
The whole idea is repulsive. Truly.
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Posted in Humor | 2 Comments »
October 23rd, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
I watched “Larry of Arabee” again for the first time in a number of years this weekend and was struck by a particular line:
“A man who tells lies … merely hides the truth
but a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it.”
Claude Rains as Mr. Dryden in Lawrence of Arabia
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October 22nd, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
It is difficult to say what the exact cause of random stupidity in young men is but a good, general suspect is boredom. More windows have been broken out of boredom than hate, revenge, or any other reason.
In the early 90’s, I was employed at a mall record store and was frequently confronted by the twin specters of my own boredom and stupidity.
Most of the time our store was active with browsing adults, shoplifting teenagers, whining children, and sarcastic employees but certain times – say around 10:30 am on a Wednesday during the off-season – contrasted sharply with this otherwise boisterous environment.
It was on such a morning that I reached a personal zenith in boredom related stupidity.
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Posted in Autobiography, Best | 4 Comments »
October 21st, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
Isn’t it interesting that, virtually everything proclaimed a “divine right” is, in fact, a moral wrong?
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October 20th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
People say “He’s a nice guy. He’ll bend over backwards for you.”
Now, the funny thing about bending over backwards is that, unless you’re a gymnast, or a contortionist, some kind of a physical performer, there is absolutely no purpose to doing it.
Not only is it difficult to do, it is a useless act which leaves you incapable of the simplest forms of assistance, such as carrying a package or opening a door. What the hell can you hope to accomplish in such a position except mussing your hair and lifting your shirt without using your hands?
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October 20th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
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October 18th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
cae posing as a Security Guard – 1989-1991
In the late 80’s and early 90’s, I worked as a security guard at the Loveland, Colorado Hewlett Packard plant.
A sprawling complex of assembly and R&D, the plant was plagued by random waves of climatically inappropriate creatures inadvertently shipped to it in crates and pallets from places all over North America and the world; it wasn’t uncommon to find a gecko on the wall -in winter.
One year we were infested with the strangest, scariest looking arachnid I’ve ever seen.
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Posted in Autobiography, Best | 2 Comments »
October 17th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
Corey: “Hey, you wanna doughnut?”
Dan: “No thank you. I don’t eat baked goods.”
Corey: “Y’whut?”
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October 16th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
I was recently commissioned to create a poster for some friends of mine who have an upcoming show at a local theatre.
Before and after:
The best part of this was turning the woman, Vickie – one of the nicer people I have ever had the pleasure to meet – into a demon.
If you’re in the area, be sure to check out the show:
Hell & Heaven
an evening of songs and stories about the afterlife
November 1st, 7:30 pm at
The Key City Playhouse
419 Washington Street
Port Townsend, WA 98368
(360) 385-7396
Tickets available at Quimper Sound $10
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October 15th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
Two young women standing over the pumpkins.
One asks the other: “Can you eat these?”
Posted in Humor | 1 Comment »
October 14th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
Where do ideas come from and what do they say about the thinker?
I recently had someone in an official capacity question my character because of a character I created.
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October 13th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
Y’ever love something that, because of your inability with it, you should hate or, at best, claim indifference to?
That’s me, to a ‘t’, with chess.
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Posted in Autobiography | 4 Comments »
October 2nd, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
There is an ugly, seemingly pointless closet (except for the fact that any storage is good storage in a place this small when you own as much silly garbage as I do) that sat gaping and stupid, like a mouth-breather’s maw, at the back of my new flat’s living room.
Now I could just pinch whatever sub-architect decided this was a good place for a closet but there you have it: a monstrous, ugly coat closet right there at the back of the main room where you’re most likely to do your entertaining. How lovely.
So what to do? I don’t own that many coats. Okay, I could fill it with mannequins but that’s beside the point.
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Posted in Music | 6 Comments »
October 2nd, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
A good friend sent me a link to this site – and I had to pass it on.
I don’t know what I’m more jazzed about: the creepy/funky cameras, the dark and twisted images created with them, or just the simple fact that the artist is working outside the digital realm with mediums like gelatin silver.
(be sure to check out the 360° view at the lower left and the other cameras)
Posted in Skulls | 2 Comments »
October 2nd, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
(a yunka-chunk a yunka-chunk as with a banjo)
I’m chokin’ on smoke
I’m slippin’ in sweat
I fell down
on my kiester
and my pants got wet
Well someone hollered “stop!”
but I aint done yet
I’m chokin’ on smoke
an’ I’m a-slippin’ in sweat
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September 23rd, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
I’ve been unpacking my stuff over these past few months (yes – I have that much stuff, plus an often hectic schedule) and this, in conjunction with now living in an environment that is almost entirely up to me, has gotten me thinking, once again, about … stuff.
I’ve spent the last 15 years or so living in a state of barely contained chaos. My roommate of said period is extremely unorganized and has a tendency towards the deadly combination of procrastination and knee-jerk consumerism, meaning our house was perpetually cluttered and filthy.
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Posted in Autobiography | 4 Comments »
September 18th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards
For years my favorite dreams were the vivid ones; hyper-real visions, usually nightmares, that I could remember with such clarity when I awoke (if they didn’t awaken me themselves) that it would often take me a little while to distinguish them from reality.
People look at me strangely when I exclaim “It was great!” after relating how a dream of this type will cause me to sit bolt upright in bed, bathed in sweat, heart palpitating.
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Posted in Autobiography | 4 Comments »
