# # Coming Out Of The Closet

Brother, I Can See Your Skull.

Brother, I Can See Your Skull. - The Coreyshead Blog

Coming Out Of The Closet

There is an ugly, seemingly pointless closet (except for the fact that any storage is good storage in a place this small when you own as much silly garbage as I do) that sat gaping and stupid, like a mouth-breather’s maw, at the back of my new flat’s living room.

Now I could just pinch whatever sub-architect decided this was a good place for a closet but there you have it: a monstrous, ugly coat closet right there at the back of the main room where you’re most likely to do your entertaining. How lovely.

So what to do? I don’t own that many coats. Okay, I could fill it with mannequins but that’s beside the point.

Then I remember my cd collection which, for the most part, has been boxed for over two years.


A plan begins to form: a dream of tongues and grooves, the removal of certain articles, the taking of measurements in a small, tight space, the use of tools, sweat, and some hard turned screws (do I make you horny, baby?).

I strip the traditional shelf and rod out of the closet with an eye towards use elsewhere, make a few measurements, then sit down at the trusty computer to mock-up a virtual plan. In mere minutes I have my scheme. Now all I need is the money …

Eventually, when I have a few extra dollars to spend, I dash out to the local lumber monger and pick up 12 1″x6″x8′ pine boards (two less than I needed, dagnabbit), bring them home, make a few marks, and commence a carpenterin’.

When I’m done I have a set of 8’x8′, tongue in groove, media shelves that plunk nicely in the back of said closet.

After fastening it to the sheet rock and a few studs, I begin to load it up with my long boxed cds – oh, to see the light of day! – and then fill in at the bottom with my meager (yet snobtastic) dvd collection.

The scent of fresh hewn pine fills the room, the spines of almost 2,000 cds glisten in the light of the … waitaminute, it’s bloody dark in this damned closet, particularly at night!


Luckily, one of the things I brought with me from my last residence (wish I’d a had the sense to ask for “a few”, instead of “a”) is a fluorescent fixture.

Standing on something built for sitting, I punch a couple of holes in the ceiling of the closet 5″ from the outer wall and 41″ apart, then shove a couple of hooks on butterfly mounts into the ceiling and hang my fixture.

A few eyelets placed just so for the power and pull cords later and voila:

Now all I need to do is a repeat performance for the two missing boards and a couple of matching shelves, to run at right angles at either end, for the remnants of my VHS collection, and I’m good.


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6 Responses to “Coming Out Of The Closet”

  1. Kris Petersen says:

    That is absolutely beautiful. The heavenly glow that comes from the closet doesn’t exactly hurt the drama of the photo, either…

    • cae says:

      Thanks! I’ll be happier with it when I can get the rest of the proposed shelving in – it seems a bit sparse, now. Also, the lighting is a bit harsh. I need to either select a couple of more naturally colored tubes or put a warming filter over them. I’m thinking the of a more vellum glow, y’know?

  2. bacon ace says:

    Nice use of space. I usually just toss shit in my closets. I now feel like I’ve been wasting my life/closet space. Thanks

  3. cae says:

    As long as I made you feel subhuman, my mission is complete.

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