# # Humor Archives - coreyshead

Brother, I Can See Your Skull.

Brother, I Can See Your Skull. - The Coreyshead Blog

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

My Predictions for 2014

January 1st, 2014 by Corey A. Edwards

New York City will attempt to ban any food that doesn’t fit inside a “fun-size” candy bar wrapper.

Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty will continue to expand his profile of pseudo importance as a spokesperson for the rights of the culturally narrow until his untimely death in a freak beard accident involving squirrels, chewing gum, and a tangle of bailing wire.

Colorado will complete an initial study on the effects of recreational marijuana sales but will be forced to admit, near the end of 2014 and around a mouthful of Skittles, that they lost the results somewhere behind the couch.

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Rootless, Fancy Free – short absurd fiction

April 1st, 2013 by Corey A. Edwards

Rootless, Fancy Free by Corey A. Edwards

 

Margie’s interest in genealogy knows no bounds. None at all.

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An Improved Alphabet

October 19th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

a proposed symbol to replace ing

Numerous letters in the alphabet are so often used together that I believe it would be wise to quit mucking about and simply merge them.

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The Wouldn’t Boat Festival

September 7th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

 
The Wouldn't Boat Festival

One of the small towns hereabouts holds an annual and well-attended celebration known as The Wooden Boat Festival.

Hundreds of people come from all over the world to indulge in and share their love for this archaic, pleasure craft passion. Milling about, they ooh and ahh over lacquered hulls, canvas sheets, coils of hemp, and brass fittings, imagining themselves transported over the waves as if in some fantastic dream …

Man, what the hell is it about boating?

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Gemini: June 21-July 20

June 21st, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

Gemini

 

Gemini, the Twins, is (are?) the third sign of the Zodiac, representing quickness of thought and facile communication –the type of person who blurts out the first goddamn thing that comes into their heads.

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Taurus: May 13-June 21

May 13th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

Taurus

 

Taurus, the Bull, is the second sign of the Zodiac, representing growth and development.

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Aries: April 18-May 13

April 18th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

Aries

 

Aries, the Ram, is the first and most elemental of the twelve signs of the Zodiac, representing the beginning of all things, much like the warm swelling in your tummy signals on oncoming belch.

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Pisces: March 11-April 18

March 11th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

Pisces

 

Pisces, the Fish, is the thirteenth and last of the Zodiac signs (phew!), representing the merging of the soul with the cosmos and symbolizing a deep belief in the highest powers of the universe, dude.

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Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11

February 16th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

Aquarius

 

Aquarius, the Water Bearer is the twelfth sign of the Zodiac, representing advanced thought and acceptance as well as wrinkled fingers and damp socks.

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Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16

January 20th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

Capricorn

 

Capricorn, the Goat, is the eleventh sign of the Zodiac and represents a serious, mature outlook and an awareness of our relation to the universe, though, on the weekends, the sign spends much of its time downing beers and chasing sorority girls.

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No Chairs? Rip Off!

January 18th, 2012 by Corey A. Edwards

No Chairs

 

Having just moved into a larger space, I’ve spent a lot of time keeping an eye on the local “lightly used” stores.

I’ve not found too much of real interest – but a sense of humor is always a good find.

Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

December 19th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

Sagittarius

 

Sagittarius, the Archer, is the tenth sign of the Zodiac, representing expansive optimism, an ever-growing life philosophy, and a casual attitude regarding road apples on the carpet.

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Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17

November 29th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

Ophiuchus

Ophiuchus, the 13th sign of the Zodiac, unlike the other 12 signs, is associated with a real person, Imhotep. Imhotep denies all knowledge of this, however, saying “Ophie *Who* chus?”

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Scorpio: Nov. 23-29

November 23rd, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

Scorpio

 

Scorpio, the Scorpion, is the eighth sign of the Zodiac, representing defensive, far seeing power and creepy, scuttling behavior.

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Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23

October 30th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

Libra

 

Libra, the Scales, is the seventh sign of the Zodiac, representing balance in all things even if you have to use your thumb.

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Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30

September 16th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

Virgo

Virgo, the Virgin, is the sixth sign of the Zodiac, representing a systematic approach towards existential concerns and a pair of legs you couldn’t get apart with a pry bar.

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Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16

August 10th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

Leo

 

Leo, the Lion, is the fifth sign of the Zodiac, representing radiant creativity, ambition, and a taste for raw lamb.

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Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10

July 20th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

Cancer

Cancer, the Crab, is the fourth sign of the Zodiac (for those of you keeping score), representing deep feeling, protectiveness, and a juicy, tender flesh that’s absolutely heaven with butter.

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Pun with Lizards

July 7th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

a reptile dysfunction

So I have this friend who has a thing for lizards and the like …

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Murray Christmas!

December 25th, 2010 by Corey A. Edwards

I really need to work up a new gag for the holidays but at least this is a different shot from the ’06 session – Murray Christmas, everyone.