# # Humor Archives - Page 2 of 3 - coreyshead

Brother, I Can See Your Skull.

Brother, I Can See Your Skull. - The Coreyshead Blog

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Pun with Lizards

July 7th, 2011 by Corey A. Edwards

a reptile dysfunction

So I have this friend who has a thing for lizards and the like …

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Murray Christmas!

December 25th, 2010 by Corey A. Edwards

I really need to work up a new gag for the holidays but at least this is a different shot from the ’06 session – Murray Christmas, everyone.

Don’t even bother reading this.

July 29th, 2010 by Corey A. Edwards

People aroun’ here are so ignorant. I mean, they’re really uncultured. They just have no clue. For example, I walk into a bar one hot evening and order a Dry Sack. The guy comes around from behind the bar and starts towelin’ off my crotch! I’m like: “get offa me you addlepated nudnik,” and slap him away. So he gets this ugly expression on his face and I’m thinkin’: “who the hell is he to be mad?” So’s I ask him: “who the hell are you to be mad?” An’ he just kinda slouches away, mumbling: “Not mad. Just feeling a little testy.”

We Have A Winnah! (Totally Stupid Contest)

December 18th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

Last night I received both an email and text message stating:

Hyde and Sikh – or Hide and Sikh, if the book is leather bound

Which was so painfully close I urged the guesser on.

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A Totally Stupid Contest

December 14th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

The above is a visual pun.

The first person to correctly guess said pun will receive a free item of mine via cafe press – that which is available is not limited to what can presently be found at my store but includes any and all images at coreyshead.com.

Hotcha.

(clue = a childhood pastime)

people who are me or who were around when I was making this (I’m looking at you, Mel) are prohibited from playing.

Leo – July 23rd – August 23rd

July 23rd, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

Leo, the Lion, is the fifth sign of the Zodiac, representing radiant creativity, ambition, and a taste for raw lamb.

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Cancer – June 22nd – July 22nd

June 22nd, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

Cancer, the Crab, is the fourth sign of the Zodiac (for those of you keeping score), representing deep feeling, protectiveness and a juicy, tender flesh that’s absolutely heaven with butter.

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Gemini – May 22nd – June 21st

May 22nd, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

Gemini, the Twins, is (are?) the third sign of the Zodiac, representing quickness of thought and facile communication –the type of person who blurts out the first goddamn thing that comes into their heads.

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From the Notebooks of …

May 6th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

The Bugs

In the morning,
when I am barely awake:
the bugs,
the bugs.
Oh, they crawl on me and I am happy.

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LawnBoy

April 25th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

When I first moved into this duplex and was told that I’d have to mow the lawn or pay an exorbitant fee to have it mowed by the landlord (not to mention earn his displeasure), I blanched.

The last lawnmower I owned is a decade gone from my life, and the only tool I’ve been using to coif the hardscrabble, semi-feral patches of flora I’ve since been entrusted to manage is a weed-whacker, now left in the possession of my erstwhile wife. Yet here I am, staring at a yard. A regulation, turfed yard.

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Idea #4 – Death By ANT FARM

April 8th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

This is an idea I may regret letting out of the bag – I could really see Accoutrements/Archie McPhee making these, if it turned out to be a workable idea:

The Death By ANT FARM toy

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Deer Resistance

April 5th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

A local nursery’s reader board is announcing “Deer Resistance Classes.”

Now, when I first saw this, I was a bit confused. I mean, are the local deer shaking people down for loose change or what?

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What Can You Do? (half a week with Emily Spilgravy)

January 8th, 2009 by Corey A. Edwards

Thursday, Oct. 3, 4 o’clock pm
No matter what we do, every year dad gets a little older. Ronnie took him round to hospital to see about the condition but they couldn’t help. Said it had something to do with the passage of time and his age. Despite what amounts to a rather hasty pronouncement, if you ask me, we’ve tried a number of experimental pills, powders, injections, suppositories, and salves, but they only make dad nauseous, sneezy, tender, squirmy, and greasy. It’s sad, really. We just celebrated his 79th and he could barely stay awake long enough to finish baking the cake. We had to eat it without him. What can you do?

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Murray Christmas

December 25th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

It’s an older gag but the sentiment remains – hope you’re porking a loved one under your tree right now.

Kissie Faces

November 8th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

I wasn’t making kissie-faces at the guy.

I just happened to be whistling as I got out of my truck and ended up face to face with him, separated only by his rolled up window.

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Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last?

October 30th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

I hesitate to keep dishing on the churches in the area but …

There’s a church reader-board I drive by daily that never fails to catch my eye with its wit and wisdom (a recent nugget of indispensable profundity read “STOP DROP & ROLL WONT WORK IN HELL“).

Another recent admonition “LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST” got me to thinking.

What would I do if I it were my last day alive and I knew it?

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Jesus Is …

October 29th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

There’s this looming, metal sign on the road near my house that says, in large, blue letters: JESUS IS LORD.

The sign undoubtedly once read “Mobil” or “Standard”, “Sinclair” or maybe just “GAS” because it is hung on the same property as a long defunct gas station, which, for an unknown reason, someone keeps painting and maintaining despite its apparent irrelevance. (there’s a connection here, somewhere)

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Too Late …

October 28th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

May I Take Your Order?

October 24th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

Who thought ordering items off a menu by number was a good idea?

When I’m hungry, the last thing I want to be ordering is number two.

“May I take your order?”
“Yeah, I’d like a number two.”
“What would you like to drink with that.”
“Why, number one, of course … “

The whole idea is repulsive. Truly.

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Bending Over Backwards

October 20th, 2008 by Corey A. Edwards

People say “He’s a nice guy. He’ll bend over backwards for you.”

Now, the funny thing about bending over backwards is that, unless you’re a gymnast, or a contortionist, some kind of a physical performer, there is absolutely no purpose to doing it.
Not only is it difficult to do, it is a useless act which leaves you incapable of the simplest forms of assistance, such as carrying a package or opening a door. What the hell can you hope to accomplish in such a position except mussing your hair and lifting your shirt without using your hands?

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