Government is important – the governing body helps direct and protect the mass of humanity that forms it, supports it, and huddles beneath it in helpless and innocent expectation.
At least, that’s the purported goal of most modern, Western governments; what the best governing bodies aspire to.
Unfortunately, as with all human endeavors, the end result of government is often not exactly what the framers, voters, or contributors wanted, needed, or expected it to be. Thus and with my humble nature, I have decided to help explain how our current system works, what the end results tend to be, and all in a friendly, physically-metaphorical way that will have you more fully understanding the system and its attendant benefits:
Locate a new, unworn sweat sock. One of those long, white, stretchy jobs with the colored stripes up around the top. Take that new sock and shovel about a cup (8 oz or around 226 gm) of shit into it. Not dry, crumbly poo nor the wet, soupy stuff but your average, lumpy, malleable turds.
Work the bulk of the crap down into the toe region of the sock with a steady, gentle pressure. Don’t worry if not all of it makes it to the toe. Yes, you’re gonna get some on you and end up smelling like … shit. Gloves or no. No one gets out smelling or looking too good. That’s the nature of government.
Now, take that sock by the other end, the opening end, hold it tight in your fist and begin spinning it. Whip the lumpy, shit-filled end around and around, faster and faster, compressing all the fecal matter into the toe of that sock with all the centrifugal force you can muster.
It doesn’t matter if you spin the sock horizontally, vertically, or what have you. Just be careful not to hit yourself with it too often and to keep it spinning as long and as hard as you can.
Now, with enough force and time, you *might* get some of that shit to squish out through the soft, cotton fibers there at the end of the sock. It could theoretically squeeze out with enough mass to speck or splatter on the wall, ceiling, or floor. Maybe even on your person. You’ll have to spin very hard, of course, and very, very fast. Perhaps for a very long time. Further, the specks of poo that fly out, if any, may be very difficult to see – but if you REALLY try, you could very possibly work a teensy glob or two out of that sock.
Even if you don’t get any to come out, even if you tire before a single fleck of poo worms its way through those fibers, you won’t be left empty handed. Oh, nossir. Quite the contrary. Why, you’ll have a once clean, new sock all stretched out and full of shit.
Voila.
