A local nursery’s reader board is announcing “Deer Resistance Classes.”
Now, when I first saw this, I was a bit confused. I mean, are the local deer shaking people down for loose change or what?
Then I thought about it and realized that it had to be in reference to the excessive and ubiquitous romantification of deer.
People are nutty for deer. Did you know 2 out of every 5 US households contains at least one artistic representation of a deer?
Be it a big-eyed doe and her fawns nibbling grass near a serene pond or some stag poised majestically upon an unlikely pinnacle of granite, the prints hang in the hallways, bathrooms, and over the mantels of mainstream America. The prevalence of said art in waiting rooms of all types is even greater.
Then there are the statues, figurines, decals, and more: bronze deer, porcelain deer, laser embossed deer, deer coasters, deer bumper stickers, deer tattoos; deer are everywhere. Given this, it’s highly likely that you’ve a set of vacant, unblinking deer eyes peering at you not only as you read this but while you sleep, eat, or even relieve yourself. The very thought sends a shiver up my spine.
In light of this, I must say I strongly support these “Deer Resistance Classes” – an AA of sorts for those obsessed with such woodland creature knick-knacks. If you’ve a friend or, heaven forfend, if your house is overly festooned with Cervidae regalia, please consider taking one of these classes.
It’s never too late.
I did NOT give you permission to post that shot of my tattoo. Deer Rule!
You’re a creep!
I like the little, bloody hole below the deer’s muzzle in the tattoo – classy.