# # UPDATE: The After School Special

Brother, I Can See Your Skull.

Brother, I Can See Your Skull. - The Coreyshead Blog

UPDATE: The After School Special

This post is an addendum to another, located here: The After School Special


A call to my brother yesterday left me with the urge to append an addendum to the heartwarming, lip-smacking tale of my childhood’s clandestine pet food consumption.

For one thing, I’d forgotten Gaines-Burgers.

Billed as “the canned dog food without the can,” Gaines-Burgers were individually wrapped, quasi-meat, hockey pucks that were more like Play-Doh than any canned dog food I’ve ever seen.

The minute my brother mentioned these, I could recall their smell, look, and texture. At one point they came riddled with a yellow substance referred to as “cheese” on the packaging, the quotes being an indication that anything called “cheese”, or “burgers” for that matter, that can sit at room temperature for months at a time is no longer, if it ever was, what the name implies -but they weren’t bad. I couldn’t handle the “cheese” but the pseudo-beef was actually pretty tasty. The trick was to eat them slowly, otherwise their richness would create a bow wave of flavor that would roll right back up your throat.

Apparently we did feed our dogs (and, in turn, ourselves) Gravy Train because my brother kept repeating “the red pieces in Gravy Train, remember how good they were? The red pieces in Gravy Train …”

I don’t recall Gravy Train being in our home at all, red pieces or no, but I have to take his word for it because, when asking his favorite of all the dog foods, before I could even near finishing the question, he blurted out an unequivocal answer:



3 Responses to “UPDATE: The After School Special”

  1. Matney says:

    I think it’s strange that they give “dog food” or “dog treats” people food names. Something like peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, or turkey and cranberry flavored dog treats are confusing and deceptive. Plus it probably sounds pretty good to– well anyone, who is hungry. Weird world.


  2. KJT says:

    I sit and quietly shake my head…

  3. cae says:

    > I think it’s strange that they give “dog food” or “dog treats” people food names.

    You have to remember that a lot of people treat (and not so secretly think of) their pets as children; real children that can understand them, need clothes, psychologists, and so on. I have an aunt that makes all her dog’s food: soups, casseroles, stews, sandwiches – no shit.


    We can laugh or we can realize that, under scrutiny, we all do things that look a little odd from another’s angle. Hell, I just publicly admitted that I ate dog food, fer chrissakes.

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