Coreyshead - Looking at the World 1 Pixel at a Time

I hesitate to keep dishing on the churches in the area but …

There’s a church reader-board I drive by daily that never fails to catch my eye with its wit and wisdom (a recent nugget of indispensable profundity read “STOP DROP & ROLL WONT WORK IN HELL“).

Another recent admonition “LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST” got me to thinking.

What would I do if I it were my last day alive and I knew it?

Well, let’s see:

1. There are a lot of people whom I’d want to say goodbye to. Some of them I wouldn’t want knowing I was going to die but others I’d want to be completely frank with. I’d thank them for what they’ve meant to me and hopefully have some last, meaningful exchange.

2. Then there’s my daughter. Gosh, I’d want to spend a lot of time with my daughter – more than I’d have! There are so many things I want to impart to her, so much of her presence I want to bask in. Can you pack in enough of that for “one last time?” I don’t think so …

3. Then, I think I’d like to get laid. Wouldn’t that be nice, one last time?
Obviously, I’d prefer to do this with someone I love – or at least like! – but, in the face of such radical adversity, any port in a storm, eh?
Since I’m not married and don’t have a girlfriend, I think I’d have to ditch all my typical polite, John-boy behavior and take to marching right up to women I find attractive in that way and laying it on the line.
Would telling them I am about to die work in my favor or against it?
Hmmm … Perhaps I’d be better off resorting to a “professional,” though I’m not sure how one goes about such things, having never considered that before. She’d have to be attractive and possess an eager, can-do attitude but, for obvious reasons, a clean bill of health wouldn’t be necessary.

4. I’m not one of those “list of things I wanna do before I die” folks, so I wouldn’t be trying to cram stuff like “See the Louvre” and “Wrassle An Alligator” into my last day. I’ve always wanted to jump out of a plane and have a book published but, in the face of death, these things seem mere trifles in comparison to spending time with people I love (or want to simulate the physical act with).

5. There is a temptation to get my things in order but, honestly, why?
If the IRS is coming: get your things in order.
If the wildfire is approaching: collect your papers.
If you’re starting a business: get them ducks in a row.
BUT
If you’re death is imminent: leave the clerical work to those poor suckers left behind!
Why clutter your final day with such stupidity? Of course, there are a few bits of evidence I might want to dispose of for the sake of my loved ones … mmmm-nah.

6. As a final gesture I think I’d like to get supremely wasted. You know, get totally blasted towards the last few hours so I can head into the void with a big, stupid grin plastered on my lips. Not trashed and drooling drunk but heavily buzzed on some fine wine, beer or liquor – and hey, don’t bogart that spliff!
It’d be fun to do this with some good friends and family but, eh, maybe that’s not such a good idea. The mood would likely get really depressing unless the correct people were chosen and the proper preconditions were adhered to: no sniveling.

Then … nothingness.

7. But what about my body? What about my affairs? What about my “estate”. Frankly, I could give a shit: I’m dead! As a final gesture of kindness towards those left behind, however, I suppose I should leave some directions towards this end but, let’s face it, we’re talking a legally binding set of instructions, here. You really think I’m going to get anything like that written up and approved in one day? Especially my final day when, as stated above, this is the last kind of crap I wanna be dealing with?

So, my conclusion?
If I were to live every day like it was my last on earth, I’d spend the time:

1.& 2. Scaring the fuck out of my friends and family, initially, then, as I continued to do so every day, just pissing them off until they begin to wish I really would die.
3. Pressuring female friends, boldly propositioning strangers, or paying potentially diseased prostitutes for sex under the pretense that I was about to die.
4. Forego all personal goals.
5. & 7. Avoid my financial and organizational responsibilities. Let others worry about the mess.
6. Get hammered every night.

As a set of daily goals, the above seem rather questionable …

Further, as this admonition was tacked up outside a church, I’d think that adherents of such beliefs, feeling they are bound for heaven, might change virtually nothing in their lives except to say “See you later!” to their friends and loved ones before curling up for the big sleep, or perhaps boning up for the next day’s big test by studying the bible’s stickier concepts. I mean, if you’re going to heaven, who gives a crap? You’re immortal and hanging with God, now. You’ll want for nothing, so what’s the big worry?

The funny thing is that “LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST” is essentially the point of this blog. As much fun as I’ve had trying to be literal about the reader board’s message, I essentially agree with it.

Looking at my list again I can see the ideas I should take from it:

1. & 2. Let your friends and family know you appreciate them and make an effort to spend quality time with those whom you are particularly close to.
3. If there’s something out there that you want, don’t let silly things get in the way of achieving your goal (but tact and protecting yourself are always good watchwords).
4. Do the things you want to do for yourself but don’t get so lost in them that you lose sight of the people in your life.
5. & 7. There’s annoying clerical work we all have to do. Stay on top of it so it doesn’t end up overwhelming you or inconveniencing others – but don’t ever forget its relative lack of importance in the long run.
6. Enjoy yourself, dummy!

Tags: Philosophy, Religion, Sayings