New York City will attempt to ban any food that doesn’t fit inside a “fun-size” candy bar wrapper.<\/p>\n
Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty will continue to expand his profile of pseudo importance as a spokesperson for the rights of the culturally narrow until his untimely death in a freak beard accident involving squirrels, chewing gum, and a tangle of bailing wire.<\/p>\n
Colorado will complete an initial study on the effects of recreational marijuana sales but will be forced to admit, near the end of 2014 and around a mouthful of Skittles, that they lost the results somewhere behind the couch.<\/p>\n
Hollywood will revolutionize the summer-blockbuster by producing action-packed, CGI-laden films with virtually no scripts attached. (oh, sorry, this is isn’t a prediction but, rather a report of the last ten years – my bad)<\/p>\n
Conservatives in Utah will protest against legalizing same-sex divorce, stating that doing so “will forever damage the fabric of dissolution.”<\/p>\n
Democrats and Republicans will continue to see each other as whiny, little bitches who are ruining this country – and they’ll be right.<\/p>\n
Kim Jong Un will have a hand-puppet shot but will pardon the puppeteer beforehand, following some behind-the-scenes wrangling with Dennis Rodman.<\/p>\n
Numerous sports teams will win major sporting events, giving their fans the momentary illusion of having been a part of achieving something of value, which they will then proceed to lord over the rest of us for about a week.<\/p>\n
Obamacare will continue to be the biggest disaster any leader has ever inflicted upon any nation, in the history of this or any world, real or imagined – but the benefits of the Affordable Care Act will slowly overshadow and nullify much of the negative feelings caused by it.<\/p>\n
More massive weather events will occur, destroying lives and costing untold billions of dollars but nothing on the scale of importance given to [name of young pop-performer] and their [public scandal designed to trigger Puritan outcry in a secretly salivating public].<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
New York City will attempt to ban any food that doesn’t fit inside a “fun-size” candy bar wrapper. Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty will continue to expand his profile of pseudo importance as a spokesperson for the rights of the culturally narrow until his untimely death in a freak beard accident involving squirrels, chewing gum, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[821,823,822],"class_list":["post-7535","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-821","tag-new-years-day","tag-predictions"],"yoast_head":"\n